李白《三五七言》

Three, Five and Seven Words

 

秋風清，

秋月明，

Autumn wind brisk;

Autumn moon bright.

落葉聚還散，

寒鴉棲復驚，

Fallen leaves gather and disperse;

Perching ravens all branches fright.

相思相見知何日，

此時此夜難為情。

Yearning, burning,I wait for our day;

Annoyed, destroyed, I spend a sad night.

    譯這首詩要把握什麼要點？題目告訴你是《三五七言》，即前兩行是每行三個字、中間兩行是每行五個字，後兩行是每行七個字。類比成英語的單詞也應是三、七、五。這是其一，其二，還要照顧隔行韻以及用詞的重複和結構的複疊。請看，譯文是這樣類比的。

   最後兩行我最初是這樣的：Yearning, burning, I don't know our day; This time, this night, I'm in plight.這樣滿足了字數的要求，但音節不整齊，前一行九音節，後一行七音節。這樣的話，李白不會很滿意吧。我決定重新調試。前一行Yearning, burning，在形式上可以類比原文的“相思相見”，為揚抑格，尾音一樣，可以看作陰韻；後一行，也應具有相似的或者可以類比的特徵，“此時此夜”中的“夜”英文是night，可以與上面的“fright”押韻，“難為情”可以融合到“I spend a sad night”。前面的“此時此夜”已經部分錶達了，現在需要與“Yearning, burning”語義相關，結構照應的成分。權衡之後決定用“Annoyed, destroyed”，為抑揚格，尾音一樣，可以看作陽韻，可以與上一行的揚抑格音韻呼應，錯落有致。如此，語義、結構、韻律就整齊了，克服了初譯滿足字數類比卻無以顧及節奏的遺憾。

你也很想看看其他譯家是如何處理形意關係的吧？且看J. P. Seaton的譯文：

Three, Five, Seven Word

Autumn, breeze, pure-and-clear.

Autumn, moon, beight-as-day.

Fallen leaves gather, and scatter again.

Cold crows erch, and start and settle again.

We think of one another, all the time: for us to meet is hard...

In this season, on this night, feeling at all is a difficult thing.

by zhaoyanchun

秋風清，

秋月明，

落葉聚還散，

寒鴉棲復驚，

相思相見知何日？

此時此夜難為情！

Yearning

Li Bai

Fresh autumn breeze,

Bright autumn moon.

Fallen leaves gather and scatter around the trees;

Cold-stricken crows soon fall asleep and wake as soon.

I long for you. When can I see your longing look?

How can I bear this lonely night, this lonely nook?