AS I rose and dressed, I thought over what had happened, and wondered if it were a dream. I could not be certain of the reality till I had seen Mr. Rochester again, and heard him renew his words of love and promise.While arranging my hair, I looked at my face in the glass, and felt it was no longer plain: there was hope in its aspect and life in its colour; and my eyes seemed as if they had beheld the fount of fruition, and borrowed beams from the lustrous ripple. I had often been unwilling to look at my master, because I feared he could not be pleased at my look; but I was sure I might lift my face to his now, and not cool his affection by its expression. I took a plain but clean and light summer dress from my drawer and put it on: it seemed no attire had ever so well become me, because none had I ever worn in so blissful a mood.
I was not surprised, when I ran down into the hall, to see that a brilliant June morning had succeeded to the tempest of the night; and to feel, through the open glass door, the breathing of a fresh and fragrant breeze. Nature must be gladsome when I was so happy. A beggar-woman and her little boy- pale, ragged objects both- were coming up the walk, and I ran down and gave them all the money I happened to have in my purse- some three or four shillings: good or bad, they must partake of my jubilee. The rooks cawed, and blither birds sang; but nothing was so merry or so musical as my own rejoicing heart.
Mrs. Fairfax surprised me by looking out of the window with a sad countenance, and saying gravely- 'Miss Eyre, will you come to breakfast?' During the meal she was quiet and cool: but I could not undeceive her then. I must wait for my master to give explanations; and so must she. I ate what I could, and then I hastened upstairs. I met Adele leaving the schoolroom.
'Where are you going? It is time for lessons.'
'Mr. Rochester has sent me away to the nursery.'
'Where is he?'
'In there,' pointing to the apartment she had left; and I went in, and there he stood.
'Come and bid me good-morning,' said he. I gladly advanced; and it was not merely a cold word now, or even a shake of the hand that I received, but an embrace and a kiss. It seemed natural: it seemed genial to be so well loved, so caressed by him.
'Jane, you look blooming, and smiling, and pretty,' said he: 'truly pretty this morning. Is this my pale, little elf? Is this my mustard-seed? This little sunny-faced girl with the dimpled cheek and rosy lips; the satin-smooth hazel hair, and the radiant hazel eyes?' (I had green eyes, reader; but you must excuse the mistake: for him they were new-dyed, I suppose.)
'It is Jane Eyre, sir.'
'Soon to be Jane Rochester,' he added: 'in four weeks, Janet; not a day more. Do you hear that?'
I did, and I could not quite comprehend it: it made me giddy. The feeling, the announcement sent through me, was something stronger than was consistent with joy- something that smote and stunned: it was, I think, almost fear.
'You blushed, and now you are white, Jane: what is that for?'
'Because you gave me a new name- Jane Rochester; and it seems so strange.'
'Yes, Mrs. Rochester,' said he; 'young Mrs. Rochester- Fairfax Rochester's girl-bride.'
'It can never be, sir; it does not sound likely. Human beings never enjoy complete happiness in this world. I was not born for a different destiny to the rest of my species: to imagine such a lot befalling me is a fairy tale - a day-dream.'
'Which I can and will realise. I shall begin to-day. This morning I wrote to my banker in London to send me certain jewels he has in his keeping,- heirlooms for the ladies of Thornfield. In a day or two I hope to pour them into your lap: for every privilege, every attention shall be yours that I would accord a peer's daughter, if about to marry her.'
'Oh, sir!- never mind jewels! I don't like to hear them spoken of. Jewels for Jane Eyre sounds unnatural and strange: I would rather not have them.'
'I will myself put the diamond chain round your neck, and the circlet on your forehead,- which it will become: for nature, at least, has stamped her patent of nobility on this brow, Jane; and I will clasp the bracelets on these fine wrists, and load these fairy-like fingers with rings.'
'No, no, sir! think of other subjects, and speak of other things, and in another strain. Don't address me as if I were a beauty; I am your plain, Quakerish governess.'
'You are a beauty in my eyes, and a beauty just after the desire of my heart,- delicate and aerial.'
'Puny and insignificant, you mean. You are dreaming, sir,- or you are sneering. For God's sake, don't be ironical!'
'I will make the world acknowledge you a beauty, too,' he went on, while I really became uneasy at the strain he had adopted, because I felt he was either deluding himself or trying to delude me. 'I will attire my Jane in satin and lace, and she shall have roses in her hair; and I will cover the head I love best with a priceless veil.'
'And then you won't know me, sir; and I shall not be your Jane Eyre any longer, but an ape in a harlequin's jacket- a jay in borrowed plumes. I would as soon see you, Mr. Rochester, tricked out in stage-trappings, as myself clad in a court-lady's robe; and I don't call you handsome, sir, though I love you most dearly: far too dearly to flatter you. Don't flatter me.'
He pursued his theme, however, without noticing my deprecation.
'This very day I shall take you in the carriage to Millcote, and you must choose some dresses for yourself. I told you we shall be married in four weeks. The wedding is to take place quietly, in the church down below yonder; and then I shall waft you away at once to town. After a brief stay there, I shall bear my treasure to regions nearer the sun: to French vineyards and Italian plains; and she shall see whatever is famous in old story and in modern record: she shall taste, too, of the life of cities; and she shall learn to value herself by just comparison with others.'
'Shall I travel?- and with you, sir?'
'You shall sojourn at Paris, Rome, and Naples: at Florence, Venice, and Vienna: all the ground I have wandered over shall be re-trodden by you: wherever I stamped my hoof, your sylph's foot shall step also.
Ten years since, I flew through Europe half mad; with disgust, hate, and rage as my companions: now I shall revisit it healed and cleaned, with a very angel as my comforter.'
I laughed at him as he said this. 'I am not an angel,' I asserted; 'and I will not be one till I die: I will be myself. Mr. Rochester, you must neither expect nor exact anything celestial of me - for you will not get it, any more than I shall get it of you: which I do not at all anticipate.'
'What do you anticipate of me?'
'For a little while you will perhaps be as you are now,- a very little while; and then you will turn cool; and then you will be capricious; and then you will be stern, and I shall have much ado to please you : but when you get well used to me, you will perhaps like me again,- like me, I say, not love me. I suppose your love will effervesce in six months, or less. I have observed in books written by men, that period assigned as the farthest to which a husband's ardour extends. Yet, after all, as a friend and companion, I hope never to become quite distasteful to my dear master.'
'Distasteful! and like you again! I think I shall like you again, and yet again: and I will make you confess I do not only like, but love you- with truth, fervour, constancy.'
'Yet are you not capricious, sir?'
'To women who please me only by their faces, I am the very devil when I find out they have neither souls nor hearts- when they open to me a perspective of flatness, triviality, and perhaps imbecility, coarseness, and ill-temper: but to the clear eye and eloquent tongue, to the soul made of fire, and the character that bends but does not break- at once supple and stable, tractable and consistent- I am ever tender and true.'
'Had you ever experience of such a character, sir? Did you ever love such an one?'
'I love it now.'
'But before me: if I, indeed, in any respect come up to your difficult standard?'
'I never met your likeness. Jane, you please me, and you master me- you seem to submit, and I like the sense of pliancy you impart; and while I am twining the soft, silken skein round my finger, it sends a thrill up my arm to my heart. I am influenced- conquered; and the influence is sweeter than I can express; and the conquest I undergo has a witchery beyond any triumph I can win. Why do you smile, Jane?
What does that inexplicable, that uncanny turn of countenance mean?'
'I was thinking, sir (you will excuse the idea; it was involuntary), I was thinking of Hercules and Samson with their charmers-'
'You were, you little elfish-'
'Hush, sir! You don't talk very wisely just now; any more than those gentlemen acted very wisely. However, had they been married, they would no doubt by their severity as husbands have made up for their softness as suitors; and so will you, I fear. I wonder how you will answer me a year hence, should I ask a favour it does not suit your convenience or pleasure to grant.'
'Ask me something now, Janet- the least thing: I desire to be entreated-'
'Indeed I will sir; I have my petition all ready.'
'Speak! But if you look up and smile with that countenance, I shall swear concession before I know to what, and that will make a fool of me.'
'Not at all, sir; I ask only this: don't send for the jewels, and don't crown me with roses: you might as well put a border of gold lace round that plain pocket-handkerchief you have there.'
'I might as well "gild refined gold." I know it: your request is granted then- for the time. I will remand the order I despatched to my banker. But you have not yet asked for anything; you have prayed a gift to be withdrawn: try again.'
'Well, then, sir, have the goodness to gratify my curiosity, which is much piqued on one point.'
He looked disturbed. 'What? what?' he said hastily. 'Curiosity is a dangerous petition: it is well I have not taken a vow to accord every request-'
'But there can be no danger in complying with this, sir.'
'Utter it, Jane: but I wish that instead of a mere inquiry into, perhaps, a secret, it was a wish for half my estate.'
'Now, King Ahasuerus! What do I want with half your estate? Do you think I am a Jew-usurer, seeking good investment in land? I would much rather have all your confidence. You will not exclude me from your confidence if you admit me to your heart?'
'You are welcome to all my confidence that is worth having, Jane; but for God's sake, don't desire a useless burden! Don't long for poison- don't turn out a downright Eve on my hands!'
'Why not, sir? You have just been telling me how much you liked to be conquered, and how pleasant over-persuasion is to you. Don't you think I had better take advantage of the confession, and begin and coax and entreat - even cry and be sulky if necessary- for the sake of a mere essay of my power?'
'I dare you to any such experiment. Encroach, presume, and the game is up.'
'Is it, sir? You soon give in. How stern you look now! Your eyebrows have become as thick as my finger, and your forehead resembles what, in some very astonishing poetry, I once saw styled, "a blue-piled thunderloft ." That will be your married look, sir, I suppose?'
'If that will be your married look, I, as a Christian, will soon give up the notion of consorting with a mere sprite or salamander. But what had you to ask, thing,- out with it?'
'There, you are less than civil now; and I like rudeness a great deal better than flattery. I had rather be a thing than an angel. This is what I have to ask,- Why did you take such pains to make me believe you wished to marry Miss Ingram?'
'Is that all? Thank God it is no worse!' And now he unknit his black brows; looked down, smiling at me, and stroked my hair, as if well pleased at seeing a danger averted. 'I think I may confess, ' he continued, 'even although I should make you a little indignant, Jane- and I have seen what a fire-spirit you can be when you are indignant. You glowed in the cool moonlight last night, when you mutinied against fate, and claimed your rank as my equal. Janet, by the bye, it was you who made me the offer.'
'Of course I did. But to the point if you please, sir- Miss Ingram?'
'Well, I feigned courtship of Miss Ingram, because I wished to render you as madly in love with me as I was with you; and I knew jealousy would be the best ally I could call in for the furtherance of that end.'
'Excellent! Now you are small- not one whit bigger than the end of my little finger. It was a burning shame and a scandalous disgrace to act in that way. Did you think nothing of Miss Ingram's feelings, sir?'
'Her feelings are concentrated in one- pride; and that needs humbling. Were you jealous, Jane?'
'Never mind, Mr. Rochester: it is in no way interesting to you to know that. Answer me truly once more. Do you think Miss Ingram will not suffer from your dishonest coquetry? Won't she feel forsaken and deserted?'
'Impossible!- when I told you how she, on the contrary, deserted me: the idea of my insolvency cooled, or rather extinguished, her flame in a moment.'
'You have a curious, designing mind, Mr. Rochester. I am afraid your principles on some points are eccentric.'
'My principles were never trained, Jane: they may have grown a little awry for want of attention.'
'Once again, seriously; may I enjoy the great good that has been vouchsafed to me, without fearing that any one else is suffering the bitter pain I myself felt a while ago?'
'That you may, my good little girl: there is not another being in the world has the same pure love for me as yourself- for I lay that pleasant unction to my soul, Jane, a belief in your affection.'
I turned my lips to the hand that lay on my shoulder. I loved him very much- more than I could trust myself to say- more than words had power to express.
'Ask something more,' he said presently; 'it is my delight to be entreated, and to yield.'
I was again ready with my request. 'Communicate your intentions to Mrs. Fairfax, sir: she saw me with you last night in the hall, and she was shocked. Give her some explanation before I see her again.
It pains me to be misjudged by so good a woman.'
'Go to your room, and put on your bonnet,' he replied. 'I mean you to accompany me to Millcote this morning; and while you prepare for the drive, I will enlighten the old lady's understanding. Did she think, Janet, you had given the world for love, and considered it well lost?'
'I believe she thought I had forgotten my station, and yours, sir.'
'Station! station!- your station is in my heart, and on the necks of those who would insult you, now or hereafter.- Go.'
I was soon dressed; and when I heard Mr. Rochester quit Mrs. Fairfax's parlour, I hurried down to it. The old lady had been reading her morning portion of Scripture- the Lesson for the day; her Bible lay open before her, and her spectacles were upon it. Her occupation, suspended by Mr. Rochester's announcement, seemed now forgotten: her eyes, fixed on the blank wall opposite, expressed the surprise of a quiet mind stirred by unwonted tidings. Seeing me, she roused herself: she made a sort of effort to smile, and framed a few words of congratulation; but the smile expired, and the sentence was abandoned unfinished. She put up her spectacles, shut the Bible, and pushed her chair back from the table.
'I feel so astonished,' she began, 'I hardly know what to say to you, Miss Eyre. I have surely not been dreaming, have I? Sometimes I half fall asleep when I am sitting alone and fancy things that have never happened . It has seemed to me more than once when I have been in a doze, that my dear husband, who died fifteen years since, has come in and sat down beside me; and that I have even heard him call me by my name, Alice, as he used to do. Now, can you tell me whether it is actually true that Mr. Rochester has asked you to marry him? Don't laugh at me. But I really thought he came in here five minutes ago, and said that in a month you would be his wife.'
'He has said the same thing to me,' I replied.
'He has! Do you believe him? Have you accepted him?'
'Yes.'
She looked at me bewildered.
'I could never have thought it. He is a proud man: all the Rochesters were proud: and his father, at least, liked money. He, too, has always been called careful. He means to marry you?'
'He tells me so.'
She surveyed my whole person: in her eyes I read that they had there found no charm powerful enough to solve the enigma.
'It passes me!' she continued; 'but no doubt it is true since you say so. How it will answer, I cannot tell: I really don't know.
Equality of position and fortune is often advisable in such cases; and there are twenty years of difference in your ages. He might almost be your father.'
'No, indeed, Mrs. Fairfax!' exclaimed I, nettled; 'he is nothing like my father! No one, who saw us together, would suppose it for an instant. Mr. Rochester looks as young, and is as young, as some men at five-and-twenty.'
'Is it really for love he is going to marry you?' she asked.
I was so hurt by her coldness and scepticism, that the tears rose to my eyes.
'I am sorry to grieve you,' pursued the widow; 'but you are so young, and so little acquainted with men, I wished to put you on your guard. It is an old saying that "all is not gold that glitters" ; and in this case I do fear there will be something found to be different to what either you or I expect.'
'Why?- am I a monster?' I said: 'is it impossible that Mr. Rochester should have a sincere affection for me?'
'No: you are very well; and much improved of late; and Mr. Rochester, I daresay, is fond of you. I have always noticed that you were a sort of pet of his. There are times when, for your sake, I have been a little uneasy at his marked preference, and have wished to put you on your guard: but I did not like to suggest even the possibility of wrong. I knew such an idea would shock, perhaps offend you; and you were so discreet, and so thoroughly modest and sensible, I hoped you might be trusted to protect yourself. Last night I cannot tell you what I suffered when I sought all over the house, and could find you nowhere, nor the master either; and then, at twelve o'clock, saw you come in with him.'
'Well, never mind that now,' I interrupted impatiently; 'it is enough that all was right.'
'I hope all will be right in the end,' she said: 'but believe me, you cannot be too careful. Try and keep Mr. Rochester at a distance: distrust yourself as well as him. Gentlemen in his station are not accustomed to marry their governesses.'
I was growing truly irritated: happily, Adele ran in.
'Let me go,- let me go to Millcote too!' she cried. 'Mr. Rochester won't: though there is so much room in the new carriage. Beg him to let me go, mademoiselle.'
'That I will, Adele'; and I hastened away with her, glad to quit my gloomy monitress. The carriage was ready: they were bringing it round to the front, and my master was pacing the pavement, Pilot following him backwards and forwards .
'Adele may accompany us, may she not, sir?'
'I told her no. I'll have no brats!- I'll have only you.'
'Do let her go, Mr. Rochester, if you please: it would be better.'
'Not it: she will be a restraint.'
He was quite peremptory, both in look and voice. The chill of Mrs. Fairfax's warnings, and the damp of her doubts were upon me: something of unsubstantiality and uncertainty had beset my hopes. I half lost the sense of power over him. I was about mechanically to obey him, without further remonstrance; but as he helped me into the carriage, he looked at my face.
'What is the matter?' he asked; 'all the sunshine is gone. Do you really wish the bairn to go? Will it annoy you if she is left behind?'
'I would far rather she went, sir.'
'Then off for your bonnet, and back like a flash of lightning!' cried he to Adele.
She obeyed him with what speed she might. 'After all, a single morning's interruption will not matter much,' said he, 'when I mean shortly to claim you- your thoughts, conversation, and company- for life.'
Adele, when lifted in, commenced kissing me, by way of expressing her gratitude for my intercession: she was instantly stowed away into a corner on the other side of him. She then peeped round to where I sat; so stern a neighbour was too restrictive; to him, in his present fractious mood, she dared whisper no observations, nor ask of him any information.
'Let her come to me,' I entreated: 'she will, perhaps, trouble you, sir: there is plenty of room on this side.'
He handed her over as if she had been a lapdog. 'I'll send her to school yet,' he said, but now he was smiling.
Adele heard him, and asked if she was to go to school 'sans mademoiselle?'
'Yes,' he replied, 'absolutely sans mademoiselle; for I am to take mademoiselle to the moon, and there I shall seek a cave in one of the white valleys among the volcano-tops, and mademoiselle shall live with me there, and only me.'
'She will have nothing to eat: you will starve her,' observed Adele.
'I shall gather manna for her morning and night: the plains and hillsides in the moon are bleached with manna, Adele.'
'She will want to warm herself: what will she do for a fire?'
'Fire rises out of the lunar mountains: when she is cold, I'll carry her up to a peak, and lay her down on the edge of a crater.'
'Oh, qu'elle y sera mal- peu comfortable! And her clothes, they will wear out: how can she get new ones?'
Mr. Rochester professed to be puzzled. 'Hem!' said he. 'What would you do, Adele? Cudgel your brains for an expedient. How would a white or a pink cloud answer for a gown, do you think? And one could cut a pretty enough scarf out of a rainbow.'
'She is far better as she is,' concluded Adele, after musing some time: 'besides, she would get tired of living with only you in the moon. If I were mademoiselle, I would never consent to go with you.'
'She has consented: she has pledged her word.'
'But you can't get her there; there is no road to the moon: it is all air; and neither you nor she can fly.'
'Adele, look at that field.' We were now outside Thornfield gates, and bowling lightly along the smooth road to Millcote, where the dust was well laid by the thunderstorm, and where the low hedges and lofty timber trees on each side glistened green and rain-refreshed.
'In that field, Adele, I was walking late one evening about a fortnight since- the evening of the day you helped me to make hay in the orchard meadows; and as I was tired with raking swaths, I sat down to rest me on a stile; and there I took out a little book and a pencil, and began to write about a misfortune that befell me long ago, and a wish I had for happy days to come: I was writing away very fast, though daylight was fading from the leaf, when something came up the path and stopped two yards off me. I looked at it. It was a little thing with a veil of gossamer on its head. I beckoned it to come near me; it stood soon at my knee . I never spoke to it, and it never spoke to me, in words; but I read its eyes, and it read mine; and our speechless colloquy was to this effect-
'It was a fairy, and come from Elf-land, it said; and its errand was to make me happy: I must go with it out of the common world to a lonely place- such as the moon, for instance- and it nodded its head towards her horn, rising over Hayhill: it told me of the alabaster cave and silver vale where we might live. I said I should like to go; but reminded it, as you did me, that I had no wings to fly .
'"Oh," returned the fairy, "that does not signify! Here is a talisman will remove all difficulties"; and she held out a pretty gold ring. "Put it," she said, "on the fourth finger of my left hand, and I am yours, and you are mine; and we shall leave earth, and make our own heaven yonder." She nodded again at the moon. The ring, Adele, is in my breeches-pocket, under the disguise of a sovereign: but I mean soon to change it to a ring again.'
'But what has mademoiselle to do with it? I don't care for the fairy: you said it was mademoiselle you would take to the moon?'
'Mademoiselle is a fairy,' he said, whispering mysteriously.
Whereupon I told her not to mind his badinage; and she, on her part, evinced a fund of genuine French scepticism: denominating Mr. Rochester 'un vrai menteur,' and assuring him that she made no account whatever of his 'contes de fee ,' and that 'du reste, il n'y avait pas de fees, et quand meme il y en avait': she was sure they would never appear to him, nor ever give him rings, or offer to live with him in the moon.
The hour spent at Millcote was a somewhat harassing one to me.
Mr. Rochester obliged me to go to a certain silk warehouse: there I was ordered to choose half a dozen dresses. I hated the business, I begged leave to defer it: no- it should be gone through with now. By dint of entreaties expressed in energetic whispers, I reduced the half-dozen to two: these, however, he vowed he would select himself.
With anxiety I watched his eye rove over the gay stores: he fixed on a rich silk of the most brilliant amethyst dye, and a superb pink satin.
I told him in a new series of whispers, that he might as well buy me a gold gown and a silver bonnet at once: I should certainly never venture to wear his choice. With infinite difficulty, for he was stubborn as a stone, I persuaded him to make an exchange in favour of a sober black satin and pearl-grey silk. 'It might pass for the present,' he said; 'but he would yet see me glittering like a parterre.'
Glad was I to get him out of the silk warehouse, and then out of a jeweller's shop: the more he bought me, the more my cheek burned with a sense of annoyance and degradation. As we re-entered the carriage, and I sat back feverish and fagged, I remembered what, in the hurry of events, dark and bright, I had wholly forgotten- the letter of my uncle, John Eyre, to Mrs. Reed: his intention to adopt me and make me his legatee. ' It would, indeed, be a relief,' I thought, 'if I had ever so small an independency; I never can bear being dressed like a doll by Mr. Rochester, or sitting like a second Danae with the golden shower falling daily round me. I will write to Madeira the moment I get home, and tell my uncle John I am going to be married, and to whom: if I had but a prospect of one day bringing Mr. Rochester an accession of fortune, I could better endure to be kept by him now.' And somewhat relieved by this idea (which I failed not to execute that day), I ventured once more to meet my master's and lover's eye, which most pertinaciously sought mine, though I averted both face and gaze. He smiled; and I thought his smile was such as a sultan might, in a blissful and fond moment, bestow on a slave his gold and gems had enriched: I crushed his hand, which was ever hunting mine, vigorously, and thrust it back to him red with the passionate pressure.
'You need not look in that way,' I said; 'if you do, I'll wear nothing but my old Lowood frocks to the end of the chapter. I'll be married in this lilac gingham: you may make a dressing -gown for yourself out of the pearl-grey silk, and an infinite series of waistcoats out of the black satin.'
He chuckled; he rubbed his hands. 'Oh, it is rich to see and hear her!' he exclaimed. 'Is she original? Is she piquant? I would not exchange this one little English girl for the Grand Turk's whole seraglio, gazelle -eyes, houri forms, and all!'
The Eastern allusion bit me again. 'I'll not stand you an inch in the stead of a seraglio,' I said; 'so don't consider me an equivalent for one. If you have a fancy for anything in that line, away with you, sir, to the bazaars of Stamboul without delay, and lay out in extensive slave-purchases some of that spare cash you seem at a loss to spend satisfactorily here.'
'And what will you do, Janet, while I am bargaining for so many tons of flesh and such an assortment of black eyes?'
'I'll be preparing myself to go out as a missionary to preach liberty to them that are enslaved- your harem inmates amongst the rest. I'll get admitted there, and I'll stir up mutiny; and you, three-tailed bashaw as you are, sir, shall in a trice find yourself fettered amongst our hands: nor will I, for one, consent to cut your bonds till you have signed a charter, the most liberal that despot ever yet conferred.'
'I would consent to be at your mercy, Jane.'
'I would have no mercy, Mr. Rochester, if you supplicated for it with an eye like that. While you looked so, I should be certain that whatever charter you might grant under coercion, your first act, when released, would be to violate its conditions.'
'Why, Jane, what would you have? I fear you will compel me to go through a private marriage ceremony, besides that performed at the altar. You will stipulate, I see, for peculiar terms- what will they be?'
'I only want an easy mind, sir; not crushed by crowded obligations.
Do you remember what you said of Celine Varens?- of the diamonds, the cashmeres you gave her? I will not be your English Celine Varens. I shall continue to act as Adele's governess; by that I shall earn my board and lodging, and thirty pounds a year besides.
I'll furnish my own wardrobe out of that money, and you shall give me nothing but-'
'Well, but what?'
'Your regard; and if I give you mine in return, that debt will be quit.'
'Well, for cool native impudence and pure innate pride, you haven't your equal,' said he. We were now approaching Thornfield. 'Will it please you to dine with me to-day?' he asked, as we re- entered the gates.
'No, thank you, sir.'
'And what for, "no, thank you?" if one may inquire.'
'I never have dined with you, sir: and I see no reason why I should now: till-'
'Till what? You delight in half-phrases.'
'Till I can't help it.'
'Do you suppose I eat like an ogre or a ghoul, that you dread being the companion of my repast?'
'I have formed no supposition on the subject, sir; but I want to go on as usual for another month.'
'You will give up your governessing slavery at once.'
'Indeed, begging your pardon, sir, I shall not. I shall just go on with it as usual. I shall keep out of your way all day, as I have been accustomed to do: you may send for me in the evening, when you feel disposed to see me, and I'll come then; but at no other time.'
'I want a smoke, Jane, or a pinch of snuff, to comfort me under all this, "pour me donner une contenance," as Adele would say; and unfortunately I have neither my cigar-case nor my snuff-box. But listen- whisper. It is your time now, little tyrant, but it will be mine presently; and when once I have fairly seized you, to have and to hold, I'll just- figuratively speaking- attach you to a chain like this ' (touching his watch-guard). 'Yes, bonny wee thing, I'll wear you in my bosom, lest my jewel I should tyne.'
He said this as he helped me to alight from the carriage, and while he afterwards lifted out Adele, I entered the house, and made good my retreat upstairs.
He duly summoned me to his presence in the evening. I had prepared an occupation for him; for I was determined not to spend the whole time in a tete-a-tete conversation. I remembered his fine voice; I knew he liked to sing - good singers generally do. I was no vocalist myself, and, in his fastidious judgment, no musician, either; but I delighted in listening when the performance was good. No sooner had twilight, that hour of romance, began to lower her blue and starry banner over the lattice, than I rose, opened the piano, and entreated him, for the love of heaven, to give me a song. He said I was a capricious witch, and that he would rather sing another time; but I averred that no time was like the present.
'Did I like his voice?' he asked.
'Very much.' I was not fond of pampering that susceptible vanity of his; but for once, and from motives of expediency, I would e'en soothe and stimulate it.
'Then, Jane, you must play the accompaniment.'
'Very well, sir, I will try.'
I did try, but was presently swept off the stool and denominated 'a little bungler.' Being pushed unceremoniously to one side- which was precisely what I wished- he usurped my place, and proceeded to accompany himself: for he could play as well as sing. I hied me to the window-recess. And while I sat there and looked out on the still trees and dim lawn, to a sweet air was sung in mellow tones the following strain:-
'The truest love that ever heart Felt at its kindled core, Did through each vein, in quickened start, The tide of being pour.
Her coming was my hope each day, Her parting was my pain;
The chance that did her steps delay Was ice in every vein.
I dreamed it would be nameless bliss, As I loved, loved to be;
And to this object did I press As blind as eagerly.
But wide as pathless was the space That lay our lives between, And dangerous as the foamy race Of ocean-surges green.
And haunted as a robber-path
Through wilderness or wood;
For Might and Right, and Woe and Wrath,
Between our spirits stood.
I dangers dared; I hindrance scorned;
I omens did defy:
Whatever menaced, harassed, warned,
I passed impetuous by.
On sped my rainbow, fast as light;
I flew as in a dream;
For glorious rose upon my sight
That child of Shower and Gleam.
Still bright on clouds of suffering dim
Shines that soft, solemn joy;
Nor care I now, how dense and grim
Disasters gather nigh.
I care not in this moment sweet,
Though all I have rushed o'er
Should come on pinion, strong and fleet,
Proclaiming vengeance sore:
Though haughty Hate should strike me down,
Right, bar approach to me,
And grinding Might, with furious frown,
Swear endless enmity.
My love has placed her little hand
With noble faith in mine,
And vowed that wedlock's sacred band
Our nature shall entwine.
My love has sworn, with sealing kiss,
With me to live- to die;
I have at last my nameless bliss:
As I love- loved am I!'
He rose and came towards me, and I saw his face all kindled, and his full falcon-eye flashing, and tenderness and passion in every lineament. I quailed momentarily- then I rallied. Soft scene, daring demonstration, I would not have; and I stood in peril of both: a weapon of defence must be prepared- I whetted my tongue: as he reached me, I asked with asperity, 'whom he was going to marry now?'
'That was a strange question to be put by his darling Jane.'
'Indeed! I considered it a very natural and necessary one: he had talked of his future wife dying with him. What did he mean by such a pagan idea? I had no intention of dying with him- he might depend on that.'
'Oh, all he longed, all he prayed for, was that I might live with him! Death was not for such as I.'
'Indeed it was: I had as good a right to die when my time came as he had: but I should bide that time, and not be hurried away in a suttee.'
'Would I forgive him for the selfish idea, and prove my pardon by a reconciling kiss?'
'No: I would rather be excused.'
Here I heard myself apostrophised as a 'hard little thing'; and it was added, 'any other woman would have been melted to marrow at hearing such stanzas crooned in her praise.'
I assured him I was naturally hard- very flinty, and that he would often find me so; and that, moreover, I was determined to show him divers rugged points in my character before the ensuing four weeks elapsed: he should know fully what sort of a bargain he had made, while there was yet time to rescind it.
'Would I be quiet and talk rationally?'
'I would be quiet if he liked, and as to talking rationally, I flattered myself I was doing that now.'
He fretted, pished, and pshawed. 'Very good,' I thought; 'you may fume and fidget as you please: but this is the best plan to pursue with you, I am certain. I like you more than I can say; but I'll not sink into a bathos of sentiment: and with this needle of repartee I'll keep you from the edge of the gulf too; and, moreover, maintain by its pungent aid that distance between you and myself most conducive to our real mutual advantage.'
From less to more, I worked him up to considerable irritation; then, after he had retired, in dudgeon, quite to the other end of the room, I got up, and saying, 'I wish you good-night, sir,' in my natural and wonted respectful manner, I slipped out by the side-door and got away.
The system thus entered on, I pursued during the whole season of probation; and with the best success. He was kept, to be sure, rather cross and crusty; but on the whole I could see he was excellently entertained, and that a lamb -like submission and turtle-dove sensibility, while fostering his despotism more, would have pleased his judgment, satisfied his common sense, and even suited his taste less.
In other people's presence I was, as formerly, deferential and quiet; any other line of conduct being uncalled for: it was only in the evening conferences I thus thwarted and afflicted him. He continued to send for me punctually the moment the clock struck seven ; though when I appeared before him now, he had no such honeyed terms as 'love' and 'darling' on his lips: the best words at my service were 'provoking puppet,' 'malicious elf,' 'sprite,' 'changeling ,' etc.
For caresses, too, I now got grimaces; for a pressure of the hand, a pinch on the arm; for a kiss on the cheek, a severe tweak of the ear. It was all right: at present I decidedly preferred these fierce favours to anything more tender. Mrs. Fairfax, I saw, approved me: her anxiety on my account vanished; therefore I was certain I did well.
Meantime, Mr. Rochester affirmed I was wearing him to skin and bone, and threatened awful vengeance for my present conduct at some period fast coming. I laughed in my sleeve at his menaces. 'I can keep you in reasonable check now,' I reflected; 'and I don't doubt to be able to do it hereafter: if one expedient loses its virtue, another must be devised.'
Yet after all my task was not an easy one; often I would rather have pleased than teased him. My future husband was becoming to me my whole world; and more than the world: almost my hope of heaven.
He stood between me and every thought of religion, as an eclipse intervenes between man and the broad sun. I could not, in those days, see God for His creature: of whom I had made an idol.
我穿衣起身，把發生的事想了一遍，懷疑是不是一場夢。在我再次看見羅切斯特先生，聽到他重複那番情話和諾言之前，是無法確定那是不是真實的。
我在梳頭時朝鏡子裡打量了一下自己的臉，感到它不再平庸了。面容透出了希望，臉色有了活力，眼睛彷彿看到了果實的源泉，從光彩奪目的漣漪中藉來了光芒。我向來不願去看我主人，因為我怕我的目光會使他不愉快。但是現在我肯定可以揚起臉來看他的臉了，我的表情不會使他的愛心冷卻。我從抽屜裡拿了件樸實乾淨的薄夏裝，穿在身上。似乎從來沒有一件衣服像這件那麼合身，因為沒有一件是在這種狂喜的情緒中穿上的。
我跑下樓去，進了大廳，只見陽光燦爛的六月早晨，已經代替了暴風雨之夜。透過開著的玻璃門，我感受到了清新芬芳的微風，但我並不覺得驚奇。當我欣喜萬分的時候，大自然也一定非常高興。一個要飯的女人和她的小男孩——兩個臉色蒼白，衣衫襤褸的活物——順著小徑走上來，我跑下去，傾囊所有給了她們——大約三四個先令，好歹他們都得分享我的歡樂。白嘴鴉呱呱叫著，還有更活潑一點的鳥兒在啁鳴，但是我心兒的歡唱比誰都美妙動聽。
使我吃驚的是，費爾法克斯太太神色憂傷地望著窗外，十分嚴肅地說：“愛小姐，請來用早餐好嗎？”吃飯時她冷冷地一聲不吭。但那時我無法替她解開疑團。我得等我主人來解釋，所以她也只好等待了。我勉強吃了一點，便匆勿上了樓，碰見阿黛勒正離開讀書室。
“你上哪兒去呀？上課的時間到了。”
“羅切斯特先生已經打發我到育兒室去了。”
“他在哪兒？”
“在那兒呢，”她指了指她剛離開的房間。我走進那裡，原來他就站在裡面。
“來，對我說聲早安，”他說。我愉快地走上前。這回我所遇到的，不光是一句冷冰冰的話，或者是握一握手而已，而是擁抱和接吻。他那麼愛我，撫慰我，顯得既親切又自然。
“簡，你容光煥發，笑容滿面，漂亮極了。”他說。“今天早晨真的很漂亮。這就是我蒼白的小精靈嗎？這不是我的小芥子嗎？”不就是這個臉帶笑靨，嘴唇鮮紅，頭髮栗色光滑如緞，眼睛淡褐光芒四射，滿面喜色的小姑娘嗎？（讀者，我的眼睛是青色的，但是你得原諒他的錯誤，對他來說我的眼睛染上了新的顏色。）
“我是簡.愛，先生。”
“很快就要叫作簡．羅切斯特了”他補充說，“再過四周，珍妮特，一天也不多，你聽到了嗎？”
我聽到了，但我並不理解，它便我頭昏目眩。他的宣佈在我心頭所引起的感覺，是不同於喜悅的更強烈的東西——是一種給人打擊、使你發呆的東西。我想這近乎是恐懼。
“你剛才還臉紅，現在臉色發白了，簡。那是為什麼？”
“因為你給了我一個新名字——簡．羅切斯特，而且聽來很奇怪。”
“是的，羅切斯特夫人，”他說，“年青的羅切斯特夫人——費爾法克斯．羅切斯特的少女新娘。”
“那永遠不會，先生，聽起來不大可能。在這個世界上，人類永遠不能享受絕對幸福。我並不是生來與我的同類有不同的命運。只有在童話裡，在白日夢裡，才會想像這樣的命運降臨到我頭上。”
“我能夠而且也要實現這樣的夢想，我要從今天開始。今天早上我已寫信給倫敦的銀行代理人，讓他送些託他保管的珠寶來——桑菲爾德女士們的傳家寶。我希望一兩天后湧進你的衣兜，我給予一個貴族姑娘——如果我要娶她的話——的一切特權和注意力，都將屬於你。”
“呵，先生！——別提珠寶了！我不喜歡說起珠寶。對簡.愛來說，珠寶聽來既不自然又很古怪，我寧可不要。”
“我會親自把鑽石項鍊套在你脖子上，把髮箍戴在你額頭——看上去會非常相配，因為大自然至少已把自己特有的高尚，烙在這個額頭上了，簡。而且我會把手鐲按在纖細的手腕上，把戒指戴在仙女般的手指上。”
“不，不，先生，想想別的話題，講講別的事情，換種口氣談談吧。不要當我美人似的同我說話，我不過是你普普通通，象貴格會教徒一樣的家庭教師。”
“在我眼裡，你是個美人。一位心嚮往之的美人——嬌美而空靈。”
“你的意思是瘦小而無足輕重吧。你在做夢呢，先生——不然就是有意取笑。看在老天面上，別挖苦人了！”
“我還要全世界都承認，你是個美人，”他繼續說，而我確實對他說話的口氣感到不安，覺得他要不是自欺欺人，就是存心騙我。“我要讓我的簡.愛穿上緞子和花邊衣服，頭髮上插玫瑰花，我還要在我最喜愛的頭上，罩上無價的面紗。”
“那你就不認識我了，先生，我不再是你的簡.愛，而是穿了丑角衣裝的猴子——一隻披了別人羽毛的八哥。那樣倒不如看你羅切斯特先生，一身戲裝打扮，而我自己則穿上宮庭貴婦的長袍。先生，我並沒有說你漂亮，儘管我非常愛你，太愛你了，所以不願吹捧你。你就別捧我了。”
然而他不顧我反對，扭住這個話題不放。“今天我就要坐著馬車帶你上米爾科特，你得為自己挑選些衣服。我同你說過了，四個星期後我們就結婚。婚禮將不事張揚，在下面那個教堂裡舉行。然後，我就立刻一陣風把你送到城裡。短暫逗留後，我將帶我的寶貝去陽光明媚的地方，到法國的葡萄園和意大利的平原去。古往今來凡有記載的名勝，她都得看看；城市風光，也該品嚐。還得同別人公平地比較比較，讓她知道自己的身價。”
“我要去旅行？——同你嗎，先生？”
“你要住在巴黎、羅馬和那不列斯，還有佛羅倫薩、威尼斯和維也納。凡是我漫游過的地方，你都得重新去走走；凡我馬蹄所至，你這位精靈也該涉足。十年之前，我幾乎瘋了似地跑遍了歐洲，只有厭惡、憎恨和憤怒同我作伴。如今我將舊地重遊，痼疾己經痊癒，心靈已被滌蕩，還有一位真正的天使給我安慰，與我同遊。”
我笑他這麼說話。“我不是天使，”我斷言，“就是到死也不會是。我是我自己。羅切斯特先生，你不該在我身上指望或強求天上才有的東西。你不會得到的，就像我無法從你那兒得到一樣，而且我是一點也不指望的。”
“那你指望我什麼呢？”
“在短期內，你也許會同現在一樣——很短的時期，隨後你會冷靜下來，你會反复無常，又會嚴厲起來，而我得費盡心機，使你高興，不過等你完全同我習慣了，你也許又會喜歡我——我說呀喜歡我，而不是愛我。我猜想六個月後、或者更短一些，你的愛情就會化為泡影，在由男人撰寫的書中，我注意到，那是一個丈夫的熱情所能保持的最長時期。不過畢竟作為朋友和夥伴，我希望決不要太討我親愛主人的嫌。”
“討厭？又會喜歡你呢！我想我會一而再，再而三地喜歡你。我會讓你承認，我不僅喜歡你，而且愛你——真摯、熱情、始終如一。”
“你不再反反复復了，先生？”
“對那些光靠容貌吸引我的女人，一旦我發現她們既沒有靈魂也沒有良心——一旦她們向我展示乏味、淺薄，也許還有愚蠢、粗俗和暴躁，我便成了真正的魔鬼。但是對眼明口快的，對心靈如火的，對既柔順而又穩重、既馴服而又堅強，可彎而不可折的性格——我會永遠溫柔和真誠。”
“你遇到過這樣的性格嗎，先生？你愛上過這樣的性格嗎？”
“我現在愛它了。”
“在我以前呢，假如我真的在各方面都符合你那苛刻的標準？”
“我從來沒有遇到過可以跟你相提並論的人，簡，你使我愉快。使我傾倒，——你似乎很順從，而我喜歡你給人的能屈能伸的感覺。我把一束柔軟的絲線，繞過手指時，一陣顫栗，從我的胳膊湧向我心裡。我受到了感染——我被征服了。這種感染之甜蜜，不是我所能表達，這種被征服感之魅力，遠勝於我贏得的任何勝利。你為什麼笑了，簡？你那令人費解、不可思議的表情變化，有什麼含義？”
“我在想，先生（你會原諒我這個想法，油然而生的想法），我想起了赫拉克勒斯、參孫和使他們著迷的美女。”
“你就這麼想，你這小精靈——”
“唏，先生！就像那些先生們的舉動並不聰明一樣，你剛才說的話也並不聰明。不過，要是他們當初結了婚，毫無疑問，他們會一本正經地擺出夫君面孔，不再象求婚的時候那樣柔情如水，我擔心你也會一樣。要是一年以後我請你做一件你不方便或者不樂意的事，不知你會怎樣答复我。”
“你現在就說一件事吧，簡——哪怕是件小事，我渴望你求我——”
“真的，我會的，先生。我已作好請求的準備。”
“說出來吧！不過你要是以那種神情抬頭含笑，我會不知道你要求什麼就滿口答應，那就會使我上當。”
“絕對不會，先生。我只有一個要求，就是不要叫人送珠寶，不要讓我頭上戴滿玫瑰花，你還不如把你那塊普普通通的手帕鑲上一條金邊吧。”
“我還不如'給純金鑲上金子'。我知道了，那麼你的請求，我同意了——現在就這樣。我會撤回送給銀行代理人的訂單。不過你還沒有向我要什麼呢，你只要求我收回禮物。再試一下吧。”
“那麼，好呀，先生。請你滿足我在某一個問題上大大激起的好奇心。”
他顯得不安了。“什麼？什麼？”他忙不迭地問。“好奇心是一位危險的請求者：幸虧我沒有發誓同意你的每個要求——”
“但是答應這個要求並沒有什麼危險，先生。”
“說吧，簡。不過但願這不只是打聽——也許打聽一個秘密，而是希望得到我的一半家產。”
“哎呀，亞哈隨魯王！我要你一半的家產乾什麼？你難道以為我是猶太高利貸者，要在土地上好好投資一番。我寧願能同你推心置腹，要是你已答應向我敞開心扉，那你就不會不讓我知道你的隱秘吧。”
“凡是一切值得知道的隱秘，簡，都歡迎你知道。不過看在上帝面上，不要追求無用的負擔！不要嚮往毒藥——不要變成由我照管的十十足足的夏娃！”
“幹嘛不呢，先生？你剛才還告訴我，你多麼高興被我征服，多麼喜歡被我強行說服，你難道不認為，我不妨可利用一下你的表白，開始哄呀，求呀——必要時甚至還可哭哭鬧鬧，板起面孔——只不過為了嘗試一下我的力量？”
“看你敢不敢做這樣的試驗。步步進犯，肆無忌憚，那就一切都完了。”
“是嗎，先生？你很快就變卦了。這會兒你的表情多麼嚴厲！你的眉頭已皺得跟我的手指一般粗，你的前額像某些驚人詩篇所描寫的那樣猶如'烏雲重疊的雷霆。'我想那就是你結婚以後的神氣了，先生？”
“如果你結婚後是那付樣子，像我這樣的基督徒，會立刻打消同無非是個小妖精或者水蛇廝混的念頭。不過你該要什麼呢，伙計？——說出來吧？”
“瞧，這會兒連禮貌也不講了，我喜歡魯莽，遠勝於奉承。我寧願做個伙計，也不願做天使。我該問的就是——你為什麼煞費苦心要我相信，你希望娶英格拉姆小姐？”
“就是這些嗎？謝天謝地，不算太糟！”此時他鬆開了濃黑的眉頭，低頭朝我笑笑，還撫摸著我的頭髮，彷彿看到躲過了危險，十分慶幸似的。“我想還是坦率地說好。”他繼續說。“儘管我要讓你生點兒氣，簡——我看到了你一旦發怒，會變成怎樣一位火妖。昨晚清涼的月光下，當你反抗命運，聲言同我平等時，你的面容灼灼生光。珍妮特，順便提一句，是你自己向我提出了那樣的建議。”
“當然是我，但是請你不要環顧左右了，先生——英格拉姆小姐。”
“好吧，我假意向英格拉姆小姐求婚，因為我希望使你發瘋似他同我相受，就像我那麼愛你一樣，我明白，嫉妒是為達到目的所能召喚的最好同盟軍。”
“好極了！現在你很渺小——絲毫不比我的小手指尖要大。簡直是奇恥大辱，這種想法可恥透頂，難道你一點也不想想英格拉姆小姐的感情嗎，先生？”
“她的感情集於一點——自負。那就需要把她的氣焰壓下去。你妒嫉了嗎，先生？”
“別管了，羅切斯特先生。你是不在乎知道這個的的。再次老實回答我，你不認為你不光彩的調情會使英格拉姆小姐感到痛苦嗎？難道她不會有被遺棄的感覺嗎？”
“不可能！——我曾同你說過，相反是她拋棄了我，一想到我無力還債，她的熱情頓時一落千丈，化為烏有。”
“你有一個奇怪而工於心計的頭腦，羅切斯特先生。恐怕你在某些方面的人生準則有違常理。”
“我的準則從來沒有受過調教，簡。由於缺乏照應，難免會出差錯。”
“再嚴肅問一遍，我可以享受向我擔保的巨大幸福，而不必擔心別人也像我剛才一樣蒙受劇痛嗎？”
“你可以，我的好小姑娘。世上沒有第二個人對我懷著同你一樣純潔的愛——因為我把那愉快的油膏，也就是對你的愛的信任，貼到了我的心坎上。”
我把嘴唇轉過去，吻了吻搭在我肩上的手。我深深地愛著他——深得連我自己也難以相信能說得清楚——深得非語言所能表達。
“再提些要求吧，”他立刻說。“我很樂意被人請求並作出讓步。”
我再次準備好了請求。“把你的意圖同費爾法克斯太太談談吧，昨晚她看見我同你呆在廳裡，大吃一驚，我見她之前，你給她解釋一下吧。讓這樣好的女人誤解總讓我痛苦。”
“上你自己的房間去，戴上你的帽子，”他回答。“早上我想讓你陪我上米爾科特去一趟。你準備上車的時候，我會讓這位老婦人開開竅。難道她認為，珍妮特，你為了愛而付出了一切，完全是得不償失？”
“我相信她認為我忘了自己的地位，還有你的地位，先生。”
“地位！地位！——現在，或者從今以後，你的地位在我的心裡，緊卡著那些想要污辱你的人的脖子——走！”
我很快就穿好衣服，一聽到羅切斯特先生離開費爾法克斯太太的起居室，便匆匆下樓趕到那裡。這位老太太在讀她早晨該讀的一段《聖經》——那天的功課。面前擺著打開的《聖經》，《聖經》上放著一付眼鏡。她忙著的事兒被羅切斯特先生的宣布打斷後，此刻似乎已經忘記。她的眼睛呆呆地瞧著對面空無一物的牆上，流露出了一個平靜的頭腦被罕見的消息所激起的驚訝。見了我，她才回過神來，勉強笑了笑，湊了幾句祝賀的話。但她的笑容收斂了，她的話講了一半止住了。她戴上眼鏡，合上《聖經》，把椅子從桌旁推開。
“我感到那麼驚奇，”她開始說，“我真不知道對你說什麼好，愛小姐。我肯定不是在做夢吧，是不是？有時候我獨個兒坐著便朦朦朧朧地睡過去了，夢見了從來沒有發生過的事情。在打盹的時候，我似乎不止一次看見我那位十年前去世的親愛的丈夫，走進屋裡，在我身邊坐下，我甚至聽他像以往一樣叫喚我的名字艾麗斯。好吧，你能不能告訴我，羅切斯特先生真的已經向你求婚了嗎？別笑話我，不過我真的認為他五分鐘之前才進來對我說，一個月以後你就是他的妻子了。”
“他同我說了同樣的話，”我回答。
“他同我說了同樣的話，”我回答。
“他說啦！你相信他嗎？你接受了嗎？”
“是的。”
她大惑不解地看著我。
“絕對想不到這點。他是一個很高傲的人。羅切斯特家族的人都很高傲，至少他的父親很看重金錢，他也常被說成很謹慎。他的意思是要娶你嗎？”
“他這麼告訴我的。”
她把我從頭到腳打量了一番，從她的目光中我知道，她這雙眼睛並沒有在我身上發現足以解開這個謎的魅力。
“簡直讓我難以理解！”她繼續說。“不過既然你這樣說了，毫無疑問是真的了。以後的結局如何，我也說不上來。我真的不知道。在這類事情上，地位和財產方面彼此平等往往是明智的。何況你們兩人的年齡相差二十歲，他差不多可以做你的父親。”
“不，真的，費爾法克斯太太！”我惱火地大叫說，“他絲毫不像我父親！誰看見我們在一起，都絕不會有這種想法。羅切斯特先生依然顯得很年輕，跟有些二十五歲的人一樣。”
“難道他真的是因為愛你而娶你的？”她問。
她的冷漠和懷疑使我心裡非常難受，眼淚湧上了我的眼眶。
“對不起讓你傷心了，”寡婦繼續談下去，“可是你那麼年輕，跟男人接觸又那麼少，我希望讓你存些戒心，老話說'閃光的不一定都是金子'，而在這方面，我擔心會出現你我所料想不到的事。”
“為什麼？難道我是個妖怪？”我說，“難道羅切斯特先生不可能真心愛我？”
“不，你很好，而且近來大有長進。我想羅切斯特先生很喜歡你。我一直注意到，你好像深得他寵愛，有時候為你著想，我對他明顯的偏愛感到不安，而且希望你提防著點，但我甚至不想暗示會有出事的可能，我知道這種想法會使你吃驚，也許還會得罪你。你那麼審慎，那麼謙遜，那麼通情達理，我希望可以信賴你保護自己。昨天晚上，我找遍了整幢房子，既沒有見到你，也沒有見到主人，而後來十二點鐘時瞧見你同他一起進來，這時我的痛苦實在難以言傳。”
“好吧，現在就別去管它了，”我不耐煩地打斷了她，“一切都很好，那就夠了。”
“但願能善始善終，”她說，“不過。請相信我，你還是小心為是。設法與羅切斯特先生保持一段距離，既不要太自信，也不要太相信他，像他那樣有地位的紳士是不習慣娶家庭教師的。”
我真的要光火了，幸虧阿黛勒跑了進來。
“讓我去——讓我也去米爾科特！”她嚷嚷道。“羅切斯特先生不肯讓我去，新馬車裡明明很空。求他讓我去吧，小姐。”
“我會的，阿黛勒，”我急急忙忙同她一起走開了，很樂意逃離這位喪氣的監視者。馬車已經準備停當。他們繞道將它停在前門，我的主人在石子路上踱步，派洛特忽前忽後跟著他。
“阿黛勒可以跟我們一起去嗎，先生？”
“我告訴過她了不行，我不要小丫頭——我只要你。”
“請無論如何讓她去，羅切斯特先生，那樣會更好些。”
“不行，她會礙事。”
他聲色俱厲。我想起了費爾法克斯太太令人寒心的警告和讓我掃興的疑慮，內心的希望便蒙上了一層虛幻渺茫的陰影。我自認能左右他的感覺失掉了一半。我正要機械地服從他，而不再規勸時，他扶我進了馬車，瞧了瞧我的臉。，
“怎麼啦？”他回答，“陽光全不見了，你真的希望這孩子去嗎？要是把她拉下了，你會不高興嗎？”
“我很情願她去，先生。”
“那就去戴上你的帽子，象閃電一樣快趕回來！”他朝阿黛勒喊道。
她以最快的速度按他的吩咐去辦了。
“打攪一個早上畢竟無傷大雅，”他說：“反正我馬上就要得到你了——你的思想、你的談話和你的陪伴——永生永世。”
阿黛勒一被拎進車子，便開始吻起我來，以表示對我替她說情的感激。她很快被藏到了靠他一邊的角落裡。她隨後偷偷地朝我坐的地方掃視了一下，那麼嚴肅的一位鄰座使她很拘束。他眼下性情浮躁，所以她即使看到了什麼，也不敢悄聲說話，就是想要知道什麼，也不敢問他。
“讓她到我這邊來，”我懇求道。“或許她會礙著你，先生，我這邊很空呢。”
他把她像遞一隻膝頭的狗那樣遞了過來。“我要送她上學去，”他說，不過這會兒臉上浮著笑容。
阿黛勒聽了就問他是不是上學校“sans mademoiselle？”
“是的，”他回答，“完全'sans mademoiselle，'因為我要帶小姐到月亮上去，我要在火山頂上一個白色的山谷中找個山洞，小姐要同我住在那裡，只同我一個人。”
“她會沒有東西吃，你會把她餓壞的，”阿黛勒說。
“我會日夜採集嗎哪給她，月亮上的平原和山邊白茫茫一片都是嗎哪，阿黛勒。”
“她得暖和暖和身子，用什么生火呢？”
“火會從月亮山上噴出來。她冷了，我會把她帶到山巔，讓她躺在火山口的邊上。”
“Oh，qu'elle y sera mal peu confortable! 還有她的衣服呢，都會穿壞的，哪兒去弄新的呢？”
羅切斯特先生承認自己也搞不清楚了。“哼！”他說，“你會怎麼辦呢，阿黛勒？動動腦筋，想個應付的辦法。一片白雲，或者一片粉紅色的雲做件長袍，你覺得怎麼樣？一抹彩虹做條圍巾綽綽有餘。”
“那她現在這樣要好得多，”阿黛勒沉思片刻後斷言道。“另外，在月亮上只跟你生活在一起，她會覺得厭煩的。要我是小姐，就決不會同意跟你去。”
“她已經同意了，還許下了諾言。”
“但是你不可能把她弄到那兒，沒有道路通月亮，全都是空氣。而且你與她都不會飛。”
“阿黛勒，瞧那邊的田野，”這會兒我們已經出了桑菲爾德大門，沿著通往米爾科特平坦的道路，平穩而輕快地行駛著，暴風雨已經把塵土洗滌乾淨，路兩旁低矮的樹籬和挺拔的大樹，雨後吐翠，分外新鮮。
“在那邊田野上，阿黛勒，兩星期前的一個晚上，我溜達得晚了——就是你幫我在果園草地裡曬乾草的那天晚上。我耙著乾草，不覺累了，便在一個草堆上躺下來休息一會。當時我取出一本小書和一枝鉛筆，開始寫起很久以前落到我頭上的不幸，和對未來幸福日子的嚮往。我寫得很快，但陽光從樹葉上漸漸隱去，這時一個東西順著小徑走來，在離我兩碼遠的地方停了下來。我看了看它，原來是個頭上罩了薄紗的東西。我招呼它走近我，它很快就站到了我的膝頭上，我沒有同它說話，它也沒有同我說話，我猜透它的眼神，它也猜透了我的眼神。我們之間無聲的談話大致的意思是這樣：
'它是個小精靈，從精靈仙境來的，它說。它的差使是使我幸福，我必須同它一起離開凡間，到一個人跡罕至的地方——譬如月亮上——它朝乾草山上升起的月牙儿點了點頭。它告訴我，我們可以住在石膏山洞和銀色的溪谷裡。我說我想去，但我就像你剛才提醒那樣，提醒它我沒有翅膀，不會飛。'”
“'呵，'那精靈回答說，'這沒有關係！這裡有個護身符，可以排除—切障礙。'她遞過來一個漂亮的金戒指。'戴上它吧'，'戴在我左手第四個手指上，我就屬於你，你就屬於我了。我們將離開地球，到那邊建立自己的天地。'她再次朝月亮點了點頭。阿黛勒，這個戒指就在我褲子袋袋裡，化作了一金鎊硬幣，不過我要它很快又變成戒子。”
“可是那與小姐有什麼
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